To say that today was a difficult day, would be an understatement. I was scheduled to do an employee training today and the second part of the day focused on workplace violence. Well our higher-ups devised a role-play to immerse our group in a workplace violence situation. Let's suffice it to say that it was the most realistic and traumatic role play I have ever encountered. I do not believe there was anybody in the room who did not fully believe the events that unfolded in front of us. To make the role-play scenario as realistic as possibly the leadership involved used difficult information that we all were aware of and the trust we had in our leaders to draw us in and help us believe it. They were most effective, which could be viewed as both a positive and negative thing depending on who you talk to.
For my part of it, I realized how much direct and intense confrontation, like the scenario displayed today, still terrifies me. I do not like direct confrontation or anything that causes my friends or family pain. I do not know how to deal with people going off and would rather run away and not have to deal with it than to stand and face the situation being presented. Today was the first time in a long time that I had to deal with all the emotions involved in a confrontation situation like that. I instantly felt sick, my heart was racing, and I began shaking, though not enough for others to see. I was very familiar with the feeling because I had experienced it many times throughout grade school and in my life.
In responding as I did, a flood of memories directly related to conflict both in my family, friends, school, and workplace surfaced to my mind. I was taken back to all the many times in my life that I had to deal with direct conflict and my reaction was the same most of the time. I would avoid confrontation at any cost. You see I hide behind a mask that projects that I am a very strong and powerful person filled with great comebacks and strength but the reality is I hate confrontation and would rather run and hide. Realizing this about yourself is both difficult and sobering.
I am so thankful that we were in a safe environment filled with therapist and coworkers in whom I trust and respect. I was able to deal with my emotions and reactions in a healthy way without judgment from those around me. I felt encouraged in our shared distressed and knew that I could trust each one of the people in that class with anything I was experiencing or dealing with.
My God has blessed me with a job I love, people whom I respect, and a workplace that is safe because of the trust I have in my fellow coworkers. I was able to see many of my friends and colleagues in a new light today. I was able to see them at their core. I honestly have to say that they were beautiful in their vulnerability. All the masks came off today during this session. They were real. They were authentic. Though not everything experienced was pretty or joyful, it was true.
The Lord helped show me through this experience how important it is for me take off the masks I wear to be fully authentic in my own walk and life each day. I am who I am even if that person is terrified by certain things. I will best minister and affect those around me by owning an authentic walk and life. Life is not always pretty and sometimes we are dealing with stuff that is difficult. The Lord showed me that we best honor him by living both our high and low times authentically because He shines brightest to the world in the moments we feel weakest and yet lean fully in Him. "For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10
Blessings,
Greg
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