I have to admit that I have been avoiding this blog for a while. I honestly can't tell you why other than I have felt like I have been in a rut for a while. I am still doing ministry, attending church, and leading chapel every once in a while at work but I have really been running on autopilot lately. I have felt disconnected and disjointed.
Today was my week to lead chapel at work and I had really been wrestling with doing it. To be honest, I really didn't want to do it. I had not picked up my guitar in months and I had no idea what to do. This morning I was really dragging half because of bad sleep and half because I did not want to face my responsibility.
As I sat in the shower, I mulled over what to do at chapel. I finally came up with the idea of doing one of the videos from the book Beautiful Outlaw. I decided to do the video on Trueness. I decided to take my guitar and a few worships songs with my computer on the way out just to leave the option of doing worship available. Then, probably for the first time since working at Selah, I decided to take the morning to prepare the chapel service. I reread the chapter I was doing the video on, I watched the video, prepared questions, and put together a worship set that I even practiced before the service.
All of these things served to align my heart back on my Lord. After finishing my preparations, I spent sometime in prayer. It took me time to bring my heart back to where it needed to be fully focused on Jesus. Once I reached this point, I had to take time to still my heart. I sat on the porch when I went back up to the house. The Lord fully calmed my heart through a gentle loving cat. When the time came to for chapel to start, I was exactly where I needed to be.
Today showed me two things. First, when you allow your heart to distance from the Lord, the road back takes time. I had to take time to be prepared for the chapel. I did not wake up on fire and ready. It takes a lot longer to restart a fire from a cooling ember than to maintain the fire. Second, that our Lord is gracious and good. As soon as I brought my heart back to where it needed to be, He blessed me. Truly He blessed me even more than I ever imagined He would today. I could truly see Him moving and felt Him working both through the worship and the lesson in a way I had not seen up to this point in chapel.
I walked into doing this chapel with hesitation and the desire to take a break for a while after it to walking out of chapel filling recharged, reminded, and convicted of who I am and how ministry is part of who I am in Christ. The Lord reignited my heart today because I open my heart and surrendered again to Him today. Jesus said in each of the synoptic gospels deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him. I submit that this must be done daily because each day we choose whether to follow Jesus or ourselves.
If you have felt distant from Jesus lately, I hope you will take this moment right now to reconnect with Him. Jesus is good and loving and has been waiting for you to receive Him again. I hope you will choose Jesus today. Let Him convict you of your sins, restore you back to right paths, and recharge you in your walk.
Blessings,
Greg iVey
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