Opening the Box (Proceed with Caution)

In a time where abortions are an everyday norm and aborted fetuses are picked through and sold for parts, this blog called, Opening the Box (Proceed with Caution) from a dear friend in Colorado is a refreshingly beautiful picture of the sanctity of life, the simple faith of the redeemed, and the loving grace of a God who is sovereign and good.

Read the beautiful words of a heart exposed, which reveals the faithfulness and glory of God in the sufferings and joys of this life.  I pray that you will read this blog and that it will warm, encourage, and remind your heart of steadfast truth.  If this blog blesses you, share it with others who may have experienced loss, need to be reminded of the beauty of life, even in the womb, or need assurances that God is indeed good and working throughout our sufferings and our greatest joys.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”  Jeremiah 1:5

Here Comes the Boom

Tonight, my wife and I watched the movie Here Comes the Boom.  Here Comes the Boom is about a teacher who decides to fight in MMA fighting to try and raise the money needed to save the music program and music teach at the school he teaches.  I personally am not a big fan of MMA and UFC fighting but in this movie I was moved in a way I didn't expect.  We live in a world today that does everything to strip the masculine from the man.

Within this movie, one of the MMA teachers quotes Genesis 32:24 while sitting down to dinner with other fighters.   He tells the story of how Jacob wrestled with God all night even to the point of receiving a dislocated hip and because of his tenacity, he received God's respect.  Through watching this movie, I was reminded that men are designed to be warriors.  I am not saying that all men should engage in MMA or even that you are not a man if you are unwilling to fight physically.  The fight men were created to be a part of is the fight for what is right.  In Here Comes the Boom, the main character has to do this through actual fighting.  

It does not matter if you consider yourself a fighter or not.  I am here to say that I believe all men are engaged in a battle everyday.  The enemy has done an excellent job providing distractions, diversions, and lies that keep us from realizing the fight we are in.  I contend though that all men are in a battle every minute of their lives.  Paul says in Ephesians 6:12, "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places."  No matter whether you are a Christian or not, every single man on this planet is engaged in a battle.  

We are in a battle for our souls and the souls of those around us.  Why do you think that movies like Gladiator, Braveheart, Remembering the Titans, Saving Private Ryan, Die Hard, Rambo, Here Comes the Boom, and so many others elicit such a strong emotion within almost every man's heart.  We were meant to fight.  We are meant to be engage in a battle for good.  Many of the most passionate men in this world have found a passion worth fighting for whether good or evil.  Living for Jesus Christ is not something that is supposed to signify only going to church each sunday, wearing a suit, saying a prayer before a meal, and trying to live with more integrity than the next guy.  Living for Christ demands that you give your whole life over to him and live such a passionate warrior life for sharing his gospel that you are even willing to give your own life if necessary.

Greater love has no man than this, that he would lay down his life for his friends John 15:13.  Many men today wouldn't lay down their life for Jesus, more less their friends, family, or anyone else.  Selfishness and pride may bring success in this world but it will most certainly bring death in the next.  WWI and WWII are wars that many men still love to learn about.  Why? Maybe because  it was about men who were willing to sacrifice everything for righteousness, for justice, for freedom.  Isn't that what America used to stand for?  Isn't that why we used to be the best country in the world?  Our values used to be centered on God on Christ.  

Men I encourage you to take an honest look at your life and ask yourself who you have been living for.  Having you been ignoring the assault on your soul and the loved ones around you or having you been waging war with the enemy and your own sinful heart to bring truth and the gospel into this lost and dying world?  Have you been hiding behind the tv, video games, pornography, sports, job, music, cars, and more as an escape from having to truly live as a man of integrity that can bring change to the world around you?  Are you seeking the easy money, easy job, easy life, and easy choices over doing the hard things that set a man a part for Christ?  

I personally struggle with all these things each day.  There are many days that I feel as though the warrior has been all but beat out of me.  I feel weak.  I feel tired.  I struggle for purpose.  During these times I reach out to Christ and His scripture.  He gives me strength.  He reminds me who I am.  Like Peter, he reminds me that I can be the rock on which He is building the church.  Like Paul, He shows me that I am never too far gone for Him to transform me into a warrior for his kingdom.  Like Jacob, he wrestles with me to remind me who I really am and why I was created so I can rekindle the fight He instilled in my soul.  

We need to rekindle our warrior souls.  We need to revive our fight for righteousness in Christ.  There are so many things in this world worth us standing up and fighting for.  Men we need to fight for our sons.  We need to fight for the purity of our daughters.  We need to fight for the lost souls around us.  We need to fight for those locked in slavery with no voice or way to freedom.  We need to fight for the orphans who have never known what it feels like to be loved.  We need to fight for little girls, young ladies, and women who have been sold into sexual slavery and prostitution.  We need to fight for the billions starving and dying due to lack of food and medicine.  Yes, men there is many things in this world worth fighting for, even dying for.    

The tagline in the movie poster says, "No one will fight for his students like Mr. Voss."  No will fight for all these aforementioned people like you.  WIll you allow Christ to show you the man he created you to be.  I hope this blog inspires you and compels you to get out of your seat and get into a cause.  Here Comes the Boom for Christ!

In Christ,

Greg Ivey

Following God Even When You Struggle

Following the river where ever it takes me.

Last night my wife and I sat down to dinner and talked about a calling to international missions in Spain.  We talked about our friends who our there, the people group we are going there to reach, and where our hearts are right now.  As we examined our own hearts, we realized that we have a long way to go in our walk with Jesus.  There are so many things we need to be doing and we always feel we could be closer to the Lord.  The thing that I have been realizing lately is that many people in many different stations of life including missions, ministry, and lay ministry feel exactly the same way.  The fact is that each Christian is a sinner saved by grace and each one of us will have our failures, temptations, and weaknesses in our Christian walk.

The real question is does this make us any less a child of God or any less able to serve as a child of God?  Well if our Christianity relied on our works or a consistently perfect relationship with Jesus, then I would say that many of us would be ineligible for in service for the kingdom of God and in imminent danger of hell.  The beauty of Jesus Christ is that our salvation rest solely on His actions.  We have been saved because He died with our sins on Himself and then rose again with the keys to hell because He lived a sinless life.  Our only input into the equation, is our repentance and acceptance of the salvation Jesus offers us.  "For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son so that whosoever believed in Him would have everlasting life."  John 3:16.    

So our Christian walks are completely hinged on the powerful works of Jesus.  Paul put it this way in Galatians 2:20, "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."  Knowing this we can walk in strength because Jesus lives in us.  When we walk in Christ and fully trust in the grace He has imparted to us, we are able to find strength in our daily walk with Him.  In John 15:5 Jesus say, "I am the vine, you are the branches; he that abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit; for without me you can do nothing."  Even our love comes only from Him as is shown in 1 John 4:19, which says, "we love because God first loved us."

I hope that each of you will know that even in your struggles and failures, Jesus is still with you.  Each of us struggle with sin and temptation every day.  Even Paul, arguably one of the greatest evangelist in human history struggled with his daily walk, which is evidenced by Romans 7 where Paul firmly establishes his own wretched nature and inability to overcome the sin within himself.  Paul does not end with his wretchedness though he continues on into Romans 8 where we see the saving and transforming power of Jesus in us.  I love Paul's conclusion at the end of chapter 8 saying, "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?  As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
    we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I say all this because the Lord is teaching me that He can use me for great things even with all my imperfections.  I, as a follower of Jesus, can no longer use the failings of my flesh as a reason I can't answer God's calling on my life.  None of us are perfect!  Yet through God's enormous grace, He still uses us for great things in His kingdom if we are faithful.  If the Lord is burdening your heart for a ministry (local, career, international, or otherwise) today, I hope you will find the courage and faith to accept His calling on your life today.  Trust Him who is faithful to give you everything you need to accomplish what He calls you to.  Stand up in faith and walk boldly for Jesus today, no matter where He leads you.  I leave you with the words of John saying, "For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world— our faith.  Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?"

Blessings,

Greg

Still Small Voice vs. Baby's Cry

A baby's cry rings out in a frequency around 3500 hz.  This frequency is one of the most sensitive frequency to the human ear.  This essentially means that you cannot ignore a baby's cry even if you wanted to.  A baby's cry, especially when in close proximity, feels as though it is pulsating through your skull.  You are adamantly aware of your baby's need at full cry, even if you are unable to console them.

Though I can't say that I am always fond of my baby's cry, I am at least glad that I never have to wonder if he needs something or not.  1 Kings 19:11-13 is the passage about God speaking to Elijah.  In this passage, God was not in the wind, earthquake, or fire.  Elijah sought God's voice in each one of the elemental events but ultimately heard Him in a still small voice.  I have heard many a sermon and lesson on our desire to hear God in a greater more prominent voice like the wind, earthquake, and fire but I personally wish the voice of God was as attention grabbing as the cry of an infant.

I never want to miss the voice of the Lord to me.  I want to hear His every exhortation, direction, and warning.  I know I may not like everything He has to tell me but at least I would never wonder what He was saying to me.  If I could have the voice of Jesus as prominent as a baby's cry, I would be able to hear His warning against the pharisees around me.  I would hear Him saying, "get behind me satan" to me when I spoke outside the Father's will.  I would know when I was walking with Him in His ways.

Though I truly would love to hear God's voice more prominently in my own life, I know that even I can tune out the full sound of a baby's cry after enough conditioning.  So I will focus on quieting my own life.  Seeking the still small voice.  Listening for the leading of my Savior and Lord.  Could God scream direction into our life like an infant's cry?  Sure He could.  Will He?  Probably not.  God wants us to seek Him.  "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:33.

So the next time you long for God's clear voice to ring out like a baby's cry, remember that He IS with you and speaking, waiting for you to listen for the still small voice in your heart.  I hope you will take the time to reduce some of the noise in your life today.  I hope you will remove yourself from the many distractions in our lives like music (even Christian), television, movies, smart phones, books (other than the Bible), and much more.  It is in those moments of quietness with God we find true communion and relationship with Him.

Blessings,

Greg

This is a fun video my wife did a few days ago.  Though the crying times are difficult the cute moments abound with a child.  I hope you all enjoy it.

 

Thank You!!!

Today marks the end of my first year of blogging.  I have learned so many things just by writing this blog.  It has been amazing reflecting on how Jesus is working in my life each day.  I have had wonderful highs in Christ in the past year and great struggles too and yet the Lord has walked with me, my family, and hopefully you through them all.  I want to thank each one of you who have been with me through this journey and I hope that you will continue to be blessed through many more inspired blogs to come.

Please continue to pray for my family as we seek to draw closer to Christ daily and learn how to trust Him with our every struggle including the adventure of being new parents ;).  Also I pray that each of you would continue to pray for us as we seek the Lord's guidance in our calling to ministry and international missions.  We plan to begin working towards paying off debt, working on seminary education, sharing our calling with others, and hopefully raising support to leave for the mission field sooner than later.  Know that I consider each one of you essential in our road to the mission field.  Thank you again so much for the encouragement you have given to me over this past year and I look forward to continuing the relationships that have been built and hopefully will continue to develop.  

Blessings,

Greg

Finding Strength in Hebrews 12

Though it is not running, it was definitely a race ;)

I was talking with a friend today about life and how much it has changed since Sam, our one month old boy, has come.  I mentioned to him how exhausted my wife and I have been lately.  He related a story to me me of a nineteen year old he was doing ministry with who told my friend he was just exhausted all the time.  My friend said he just walked away from the nineteen year old because, like me, he has an infant also and knew that the nineteen year old had no concept of being tired yet.  Isn't it interesting how our perception of certain situations is relative to our experiences?

Before Sam was born, I would've told you that there was just no way I would be able to survive on 5-6 hours of light sleep.  Now I manage with about that much sleep everyday.  I won't say that I am excelling in this current stage of constant responsibility, inconsolable crying, and less than adequate sleep but I am surviving much better than I thought I would.  Isn't it incredible what the human body can endure?  Most of us are fascinated by the Olympics because of the stories of pain and endurance tethered with our amazement that these premiere athletes are able to perform feats no one has performed before.

The Lord has truly designed us to be incredible.  In all this exhaustion and stress, I am learning that there is one thing our bodies absolutely cannot survive without.  That is a relationship and connection with Jesus Christ.  I have found that spending time in the Word has been my greatest source of strength in this past month.  My days in the Word versus my days without the Word are starkly different.  I have peace, joy, endurance, and strength when I take the time to dwell in the Word each day.  Not because of the Word specifically but because of it's ability to help me develop a more intimate relationship with my Savior, Jesus.

I cannot honestly say that I realized or even understood my intense need for the Bible until I reached the point of high stress and shear exhaustion I have achieved with Sam.  In our struggles, we begin to understand our need for a relationship with Jesus.  Most of us cry out to Jesus when we hit the bottom.  Even most non-religious people cry out in prayer during their times of need.  Our souls are crying out for relationship with the creator and unfortunately it takes us hitting rock bottom to acknowledge our great need.

I can honestly say that I am thankful for the hardship I have endured to this point simply because of the great need it unveiled in my heart.  Hebrews 12:1-2 say, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,  looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."  This verse identify our need so well.  We need to lay down our sins and the things that distract us.  We are able to endure all suffering by looking to Jesus, "the perfecter of our faith."  We can completely trust in Jesus because we know we are putting our faith in a God who completely understands suffering and endured through it bringing us salavation.  Therefore, we can also endure all thing through our relationship with Jesus.  

I don't know about you but that gives peace.  It gives strength.  It builds faith.  It gives me what I need to not only survive but to find joy in living each day.  I pray each of you are blessed by this passage and I hope you find strength and endurance today!

Blessings,

Greg  

Floating Far from Shore

About a year ago, my wife and I went on a vacation to Florida with my family.  While there, I had a lot of fun body boarding because of exceptionally large waves due to a tropical storm south of where we were.  I decided to buy a quality board while I was there and had dreams of instantly riding the waves at a professional level.  Though I did have fun and even had a few really good rides, ultimately I spent most of my time getting beat up and crushed by the waves.

I ended up in a lot of trouble on the last day we were there.  I had been riding the waves for over an hour and the waves were bigger than I had ever experienced.  I really was worn out and decided to ride one last wave.  In the process of trying to catch the 'last big wave,' I got swept out by a rip tide.  I knew instantly when I could no longer touch the ocean floor, especially since I am 6'4", that I was in trouble! I had no strength left and don't even want to consider what would've happened if I hadn't bought a board that could support my weight.

As I floated up and down on the waves and watched the shore continue to pull away from me, I must admit that I went into a quiet panic.  In my head I knew that I had to do anything I could to get back to a place where I could touch the bottom and make it back to the shore.  In my desperation, I dropped into a wave that was way to large and very dangerous and ultimately ended up getting raked across the bottom and tearing up both my shoulder and face.  I did make it back to the shore but I walked out in broken and in pain.

If I can be honest tonight, I feel like I am back on my board watching the shore pull farther and farther away.  I am doing everything I can to survive and find direction right now.  I am desperate to get back to that place of peace and strength in the Lord.  I would give anything for a week to recuperate, recenter, and recharge both physically, mentally, and spiritually.  Unlike when I threw myself into a wave that broke me, I am hoping that the Lord will throw me a lifesaver and pull me back to center.

Have you ever felt this way?  Have you ever known where you needed to be and yet you felt like everything was against you and that you weren't strong enough to make it on your on?  Well your in good company because I know many brothers and sisters, including myself, who have been and are there.

I write all of this because I have spent the whole day dwelling on how to get back to the shore.  MY heart has been wrestling with what the Lord is asking me to do and what I am willing to do.  Some of these things are so simple and yet our flesh fights so adamantly against us doing them most of the times.  Here are some of the things the Lord has laid on my heart and I hope they will be helpful to you also.  

First, the Lord has convicted my heart of my lack of love for the Bible.  It seems that I put everything else in my life before the Bible.  My heart selfishly desires rest over God, not realizing that true rest is found in God.  I have a million excuses for why I never get to the Bible and yet none of them override my need to firmly place my life within the Bible.

Second, the Lord has been challenging me on my need of mentors in my life.  I have two wonderful brothers in Christ whom I am so thankful for in my life but unfortunately both of them are hours away from me right now.  The Lord has been showing me my need for a man of God from my church to train and challenge me in my walk.  No matter whether you are a man or woman, you need Christian brother and sister's to come beside you and help give you strength and and guidance in Christ.  I would also recommend finding someone close to your age whom you can walk beside with as accountability partners and someone older and stronger in their Christian walk to train and develop you in your own walk.

Third, though I, especially as a new parent, have a great desire for sleep and downtime, I need to be diligent about spending time fellowshipping with the body of Christ at my church.  The church is where you should grow, mature, and center yourself in Christ.  You should be able to find a group of friends to fellowship in Christ with.  You should feel as though your Pastor is pulling you deeper into a walk with Christ through faithful Biblical teaching.  Most important of all, you should find a ministry to actively serve in.  This is because, as Christians, we are to actively serve for Christ.  If all we do is take from the church, then we will the honor of teaching and serving for Christ.

Please pray for me as I struggle to grow closer to Christ through implementing each of these in my life.  Each of us how areas in our life where we can grow in our walk with Jesus.  We will all go through mountain tops and valleys.  I pray that each one of you will grow closer to the Lord in your daily walk.  Know that even if you feel like I do at time, floating far from shore and desperate, the Lord will always be there to pull you to shore.  Just call to Him and know He will be there for you.  I hope this blog will help your heart and walk tonight.

Blessings,

Greg Ivey  

Do We Still Seek What is Pure?

**As a note, I wrote this blog last night as a reaction to the Aurora movie theater killings.  This blog is what I believe to be a real and disturbing look into our present world culture and a majority of Christian culture also.  I apologize in advance for anyone I offend.  I decided to post this blog because I feel it is necessary for us to deal with things that are unsavory and against culture to help us develop a more authentic walk in Christ.  Please understand that I am not against watching movies or tv show, listening to music, or playing video games but believe that we have to be careful what media we participate in.  Also I in no way condone the actions of the Aurora killing or anyone who would act in those ways.**

In some ways, I am confounded by our nation's reaction to the Aurora shooting this morning.  Everyone seems so shocked by the ghastly set of events that happened last night.  No one can imagine why in the world someone would want to do such a horrible soulless thing.  "Movies are supposed to be all about fantasy."  "Why in the world would someone actually shoot people during a movie scene where people are being shot?"  "Do you think more or less people will now go because of the shooting?"  These are some of the comments I heard today.

I don't understand why we are surprised by the turn of events at the premiere of Batman: Dark Night Rises.  I don't understand why the world is horrified by these events. Isn't this what our culture wants?  Don't movies, tv shows, and news networks rake in large amounts of money from these very scenarios?  Some may argue that just because we like media about situations like this doesn't mean we want it to happen in real life.  I hope you will take a moment and look at the movies and tv shows that are coming out and have come out recently.  Do you see a trend?  Have you not noticed that the gorier the horror the more money and cult following?  Have you not noticed the more shocking and impressive the action movie is the more money and favorable reviews it receives?  Have you not scene tv shows, especially crime dramas, turn more sadistic and "realistic" to raise ratings?

I hope that many of you reading this blog tonight have been sickened by the current media selections and content way before today.  I hope most of you would concede that what we feed our heart and brain with does affect us.  "Garbage in.  Garbage out."  is not a new phrase.  It is not some new realization that we are just now stumbling on.  We have known this for millennia.

Let's take a walk down history lane of entertainment gone awry.  The roman coliseum, which we are all very familiar with from the movie Gladiator.  Public corporal punishment and tortures of the middle ages.  The witch trials.  The spanish bull fights.  Cage Fighting.  Public hangings in our not to distant history.  The western duals.  Many of the events I just mentioned are looked on with contemptibility and horror and yet we call them entertainment if shown in a movie or tv show.

I don't know about you but I can't stand people who claim to be one thing and yet live lives completely contradictory to what they claim.  Isn't that what we are doing though?  How can we, who with bated breath wait for the next ever darkening installment of a movie series such as the new Batman and Hunger Games, be anything but untouched by events like the such of this morning.  We crave this violence on the movie screen.  We crave to be entertained by death, darkness, depravity, anti-heroes, profanity, sex, shock, and horror.  How can we expect that everyone who watches these things will not be effected by them?  How can we be shocked by someone doing exactly what they see on the tv and movie screen?  We can't.

One of the people who was in the theater in Aurora last night said, "I don't ever want to see anything like that again."  Do you think this incident will stop him from seeing the final installment of the Batman trilogy?  Maybe for a while but probably not.

We are immersed in a culture of depravity and half truths.  We are inundated with media convincing us that evil is not completely evil.  We have been brainwashed to believe that being exposed to artificial murder and sociopaths does not perpetuate murder and sociopathic behaviors.  Brothers and sisters in Christ, it is time to wake up to the reality that what we put into our heart will color what we think, how we live, and how we act.


We must guard our hearts.  I am not just speaking to movies and tv shows but also music that is not soul affirming, news programs that constantly show dead people just to prove they are dead, games, and so much more.  We must move past the naivety that we are unaffected by these things.  We must begin to stand up for things that are right and true.  Philippians 4:8 say, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."
If we used this verse as a standard for all the things we want to listen to, watch, or participate in, I suspect we would spend a lot less time in the world and a lot more time in the Word.

Wake up beloved!  We have to stand up for Christ.  We have to live boldly and passionately for Jesus and that can not look like the world.  Jesus is completely counter culture.  In fact if you find yourself fitting in a little to snugly to culture, I hope you would step back and reevaluate your walk with Christ.  We are to live differently.  We are to live in a bold quest for complete truth.  We are to live a life sold out and completely focused on Christ.  If your really honest, could you say that this describes you?

I hope you will take the time to examine your heart, especially what you have been putting into it.  I hope you will pray for the many peoples lives who were instantly changed by last night's events, including the gunman and his family.  I hope you will pray for a revival of hearts and minds in this world.  I pray we would send a message to hollywood, the tv networks, music artists, gaming companies, and internet media that we will no longer stand for the media that is damaging and destroying our nation.  I pray that our lives would reflect Jesus' love, grace, forgiveness, and compassion.  I pray that we, Jesus' beloved, will stand tall and strong in Him and will begin to live an authentic reflection of Philippians 4:8.

Cool Waters on a Hot Day

Blessings While Living for Christ

I am so thankful for the many things God is doing right now in my life.  It has been so incredible to see Him grow the following to the blog.  I am looking forward to seeing the miracle of my son being born soon!  We have finally taken the first steps towards career missions.  We have found a church that is faithful to teach the Bible, who love on us like family, and in whom we find so much joy to attend and be a part of.  God's blessings are so immeasurable!

As I think about all God has been doing in the life of my family, I have realized that God moves so much more when we move also.  In Matthew chapter 24-25, Jesus talks about the end times and then continues to talk about how we are to act till those times come.  The main themes Jesus brings out in these chapters are: being prepared, being steadfast even when it feels like you can't go on, and to beware of false prophets and teachers who come in His name.  We are to live this life dependent on Jesus.  We cannot forget who we are living for and that this life is only a vapor.  We must live for the eternal.  We must seek the truth of the eternal in the Bible.  We must walk towards the day we are face to face with our Savior and Lord.

I know I have said this many times but we cannot get wrapped up in the things, ideas, and pleasures of this world.  We must walk everyday like it is our last.  We must live our lives like Jesus could come in the next moment.  We can't keep wasting our lives on silly things.  We can't keep wasting our lives living for ourselves not when there are so many people who have never even heard about Jesus Christ.

Now I know how completely counter culture these words are but I hope anyone who has read the gospels would understand that following Jesus isn't exactly swimming in the mainstream.  You are following a Savior who was crucified for His words and actions.  The people of His time couldn't even wrap their heads around what He was saying.  Jesus was completely counter cultural.  If you find yourself like everyone else around you, it is time to take a serious look at who you are in Christ!

I grew up during the time of DC Talk and the song Jesus Freak.  I have to say that I love there song especially the part talking about John the baptist.  Jesus, the disciples, John the Baptist, and Paul, were all counter cultural for their time and almost every single one of them died for their passionate faith.  They LIVED for Christ.  They BOLDLY shared Him with others.  They WILLINGLY died for Him.  When you examine those last three sentences, can you see yourself in any of them?


Many have said, "It has been 2000 years.  Jesus must have been lying because He isn't back yet."  The thing that is most interesting about that statement in that in the chapters Jesus speaks directly to it being a long time before He returns (24:13, 36-44, 48; 25:5, 19).  He spoke specifically to enduring till the end.  2 Peter 3:8 says, "But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day."  Just because Jesus has not come yet does not mean we can be lax about following Him.  Jesus said that not even He knows the day or time when He will come back.  How can we live our lives so selfishly when He could literally descend upon this earth before you even finishing reading this blog.


I do not write these words to shame anyone or make an argument for works reliant salvation.  You are saved by the grace of Jesus alone.  Beloved, I must tell you this though.  If you can read both Matthew 24 and 25 and not be moved, then you need to check your heart.  If you read these chapters and cannot see yourself in any part of them, you need to check your heart.  Jesus made it clear in both these chapters and other parts of the Gospel that He will turn away the "Christians" He does not know.  


Here are a few questions you might think about in qualifying where your heart is in relation to your love of Jesus.  When I speak about Jesus coming in soon, does your heart leap for joy at the prospect or instantly rebel against the idea and hope I am wrong?  Are you more worried about being prepared for your Saviors arrival or fulfilling your bucket list?  Does your heart break for the non-Christians around you or are you satisfied with ministers, missionaries, and the extra talented laity to reach them?  Do you help your brother or sister in Christ when they are struggling or are you to worried about your own woes?  Jesus speaks to each one of these questions in these chapters and the rest of the Gospels.  


I hope you will take the time to check your heart and your relationship with Jesus.  Do you know truly Him?  More importantly, does He know you?  I hope you will take these next few weeks to freshen up your reading on Jesus by looking through the Gospels.  I pray you will not look for the easy verses and words of Christ but will also take the time to work out his difficult words, like the ones in Matthew chapter 24 and 25.


Blessings,


Greg

Enduring for a Precious Soul

Every day I go to work and come home expecting to end up in the maternity ward of the hospital with a new baby and yet so far the baby is still holding on.  His actual due date is Tuesday, July 3rd, and it would be highly uncharacteristic for a child of ours to come early ;).  As the days dredge slowly by, it is hard for my mind to be on anything else.  I think the hardest part of this process has been waiting and not knowing when the day would actually come.  There is some peace in knowing that the absolutely latest our doctor group would let Sammie stay in is July 10th.

I can't wait to see this little boy who is bone of our bone and flesh of our flesh.  I must admit that I am scared of the actual birth process but I know it will all be worth while.  I know my wife and our child is in God's hands.  It will be so exciting to hold him in my arms, to see his little fingers and toes, to gaze into those beautiful, probably blue, eyes, and to breathe in this gift my wife and I have been given.  Each day I am closer to this.  Each day I am better understanding what it means for a father to love his son.

I have not even met our son yet and I cannot even imagine ever having to lose him.  How could God the Father allow Jesus to die on that cross?  How could Abraham willingly take his son to the altar?  Even with something so great as the removal of all sin, I believe I wouldn't be able to let my son go, to let him die.  I would willingly die in an instant for my son but to let my son die for those who aren't even worthy is unfathomable to me.  How great is the Father's love for us that He could stand to watch Jesus take on all the world's sin?  How great is the Father's grace that he would allow Jesus to be our substitution?

Many people in this world believe in a Godly being who was involved in the creation of this universe and yet so many of them believe He is not relational but a distant omnipotent being.  Our world is crying out for love, peace, and unity.  We all so desperately want to connect with others, with this world, and with the answer of what happens to us after we die.  Yet so many are unwilling to believe in a real, loving, and just God.  So many are willing to take the chance that Christianity isn't true, forsaking the love from the true God for love of this world.

It breaks my heart every time I am talking with someone who can not see what Jesus did for them on the cross.  There have been so many times I wished that I could show them He is real.  If only they could see how He is moving in my heart, they would believe.  If only I could answer all their questions, they would believe.  Some times the hardest part about telling someone about Jesus, is that we have to trust the Lord with their heart and pray that one day the seed will bear fruit.


For all the brothers and sisters who are desperately trying to share the gospel with those around them and meeting resistance, take heart brothers and sisters for the Lord is with us.  Many of us will be used as hard labor to prepare the fields of non-Christians hearts.  Some will have to remove the rocks from the fields, some will have to plow the rows, some will have to cut down trees and remove the stumps, some will have to water the seed, some will just have the privilege of shining the light on the field, and yet fewer still will get to reap the harvest.  Don't lose heart if you are one of the ones toiling in the preparing of hearts that they may be fertile soil.  


Hebrews 12:1-2 say, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."  We are to endure in continuing to share the gospel with those who are a labor.  We are to find strength in knowing that we are surrounded by a great cloud of witness' who have worked and gone before us.  We are to find endurance knowing the race we are running is for eternity with Christ.  Remember brothers and sisters, your labors are not in vain and you do not labor alone.  Ephesians 2:8-9 say, "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,  not a result of works, so that no one may boast."  God uses our faithfulness and ultimately God is the one who transforms their hearts.


So when you get to that place where you are tired and weary and feel like you can't continue to proclaim the gospel anymore, consider how precious each heart is to God.  Remember He is yoked right beside you.  Take the time to see them like a father who sees his boy or girl for that first time.  Take the time to remember the intense love God feels for them.  Take the time to the to remember that no matter how difficult, trying, or closed off they seem on the outside, God sees a soul worth dying for. 


Blessings,


Greg

I hope you will please check out our fundraiser site to help us pay off our student loan debt and make it as a career missionaries to Spain.  This picture is of us with the couple we would ministering together with.  I hope you will check out the site and read all the updates.  Thank you so much for your prayers and consideration.  If you have any questions feel free to email me at realchristianwalk@gmail.com

Raise Money for Road to freedom for proclaiming Christ | YouCaring

Road to Freedom for Proclaiming Christ in Spain

Our partners in ministry and fellow brother and sister in Christ who are already in Spain preparing to minister to the Basque.  Be sure to read the updates on our you caring site as the latest letter is from them.

This past week my coworker and I felled, trailered, and unloaded over 10,000 lbs of wood.  In order to move that type of weight, my coworker and had to move it one manageable piece of wood at a time.  If when I started work on Monday my boss had brought us to a pile of 10,000 lbs of wood and told me to make sure it is gone before the end of the week, I would've thought he was crazy.  I would have felt like he had given me an impossible task.

For years, I have looked at our debt and other hurtles keeping us from being missionaries to Spain and felt like they were impossible to overcome.  Through the past few years the Lord has been showing me His power to overcome and my need to trust Him.  Just like the wood, the Lord has been showing me that with hard work and perseverance my wife and I will overcome the obstacles before us and make it to Spain.  It is amazing the peace you feel when you begin to put your full trust in the Lord.

Many times we live our lives like everything depends on us.  As Christians, we are to trust the Lord for everything.  This does not mean we are to just sit around and wait for God to clear the way for us but it does mean that we are to move in faith that the Lord is walking before us leading, preparing, and clearing the way He wants us to go in this life.  The main theme of the Bible is that God wants us to put our complete faith and trust in Him.  The Israelites accomplished nothing on their own.  All of their great achievements were through the power of God.  In the New Testament, we see that Jesus chose to come down, live a sinless life, die, and rise again so that anyone who believes in Jesus might have salvation.  Our salvation, is completely dependent on what Jesus did for us because we were unable to save ourselves.  An authentic Christian walk requires each person to fully surrender their heart and life to God.

When we fully understand our need to put all our trust and faith in Jesus Christ, we are able to understand Paul's statement in Philippians 4:13 saying, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  It has been so incredible to experience the peace I have had throughout this pregnancy process.  I have complete faith that the Lord is in full control of the formation and safety of my baby boy.  Even when my wife and I have faced scares, I have found complete peace in Jesus and His power to protect my little boy.  Through this process, my faith has grown and I have come to the place where I too can trust the Lord to overcome my perceived huge obstacles to leaving for Spain too.

I am now no longer worried about the difficulties ahead because God has called us to Spain and He is capable to meet and exceed all our needs to leave for Spain.  So I am excited to watch the Lord move as my wife and I seek to boldly pursue international missions for Spain.  He has already been moving through the prayer, encouragement, and unexpected blessings.  We have raised $510 on the you caring fundraiser and it felt so good to be able to apply that money to our student loans, knowing that the Lord is going to continue to do even greater things!


Are there any roadblocks in your life keeping you from doing what God has called you to?  Are you using the excuse of money, time, family, comfort zone, or giftings as reasons why you couldn't possibly do what God is calling you to do?  Friends I pray that you will lay down all these worries, obstacles, and doubts at the feet of the Lord and trust Him to provide you with the ability to do what He has called you to do.  Matthew 6:31-33 says, "Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.  But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."  There are so many verses on faithfulness and the trustworthiness of God my friend.  Check out Open Bible and just write one of these words and see all the verses linked to it.  It is such a great resource when you want to look up topical applications in the Bible.


Friends, we are going to Spain.  I don't know if it will be in a year or in five or more years.  All I do know is that the Lord has called us to minister to the Basque people with my best friend and his wife.  I know that the Lord will be faithful to clear all obstacles in our way if we remain faithful and boldly trust Him.  I know that the Lord is laying on some of your hearts to help us to be able to make it to Spain and possibly even support us monthly while ministering in Spain.  I pray that you would seek His guidance for what He would lead you to do in reference to our calling.  I thank you each so much for your prayers.  We have created a fundraiser through youcaring.com to help us overcome the first obstacle in our way, which is our student loans.  I hope you will check out our fundraiser at Road to Freedom for Proclaiming Christ.  If you can help us, great!  If you know someone else you believe would be willing to help us, please share the link with them.  If all you can do is pray with us as we trust God, wonderful!  Thank you so much for your support through this blog and your prayers.


Blessings,


Greg

Mark 4:35-40 Jesus Calms the Storm

Second attempt at a video blog.  It starts a little rough but gets better as it goes on.  I hope the Lord speaks peace in your life through it. Tonight's video is about Jesus calming the storm in Mark 4:35-40.  This passage has brought me a lot of peace through the years and I wanted to share some thoughts about it.  Also before watching the video I want to mention the youcaring.com fundraiser we created to help us make it to the mission field.  We have felt the Lord leading our hearts to international missions for some time now but have felt like it was impossible because of the student loan debt we have.  The Lord has continued to burden our hearts for international missions in particular the Basque people group of Spain.  Currently my best friend, his wife, and child are in Spain learning the Spanish and Basque languages in preparation of moving to the Basque region.  We hope to be able to join them sooner rather than later.  At this time there are absolutely no Basque speaking evangelical churches in the basque region.  We believe that if the Lord puts a calling on our hearts He will also provide the means to be able to answer His calling.  I pray that you will take a moment and check out this link.  I thank you for your consideration and ask that you seek the Lord's guidance in considering contributing to this fundraiser.  Thank you.

You Caring

Mine Was the Boat

Yesterday, my pastor read a poem written a while ago about the life of Peter with Jesus.  I was touched by the poem and wanted to share it with each of you.  Peter is my favorite apostle, probably because I resemble him so much.  I am so thankful that Jesus chose Peter as an apostle because I feel like there is hope for me if there was hope for Peter.  If you have not taken the time to truly study Peter in the Bible, I encourage you to do so.  It is so wonderful to see the change in Peter's life through the influence of Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.  Though pieces of the stumbling Peter are in most accounts of his life, Peter went all to do great things for the kingdom through His submission and passionate love of Jesus Christ.  I hope you will enjoy the poem.

Untitled

I owned a little boat a while ago.
And sailed the morning sea without a fear,
And whither any breeze might fairly blow
I steered my little craft afar or near.

Mine was the boat
And Mine the air,
And mine the sea,
Nor mine a care

My boat became my place of nightly toil,
I sailed at evening to the fishing ground,
At morn my boat was freighted with the spoil
Which my all-conquering work had found.

Mine was the boat
And mine the net,
And mine the skill
And power to get. 

One day there came along that silent shore,
While I my net was casting in the sea,
A Man who spoke as never man before.
I followed Him; new life began in me.

Mine was the boat
But His the voice
And His the call
Yet mine the choice.

Ah! 'twas a fearful night out on the lake,
And all my skill availed not, at the helm,
Till Him asleep I waked, crying, Take
Thou the helm---lest water overwhelm!

Now His the boat
And His the sea
And His the peace
Over all and me. 

Once from the boat He taught the curious throng
Then bade me cast my net into the sea;
I murmured but obeyed, nor was it long
Before the catch amazed and humbled me.
His was the boat
And His the skill.
And His the catch
And His my will.

Masterpieces of Religious Verse, Edited by James Dalton Morrison

Can you like Peter say that Jesus' will is your own?  Do you rely on Jesus for peace?  Do you acknowledge that all you have is not your own but His?  Have you answered Jesus' call?  I hope you will take the time to read this poem again and consider how it applies to your life and your relationship with Jesus Christ.  I hope you can come to the same conclusion this author did.

Blessings,

Greg

  My wife and I feel an intense calling on our lives for missions and full-time ministry.  We have created a fundraiser to help us overcome one hurtle to us being able to go to the mission field.  I pray that you will take a moment and check out this link.  I thank you for your consideration and ask that you seek the Lord's guidance in considering contributing to this fundraiser.  Thank you.

You Caring

O Captain! My Captain!

This life is full of dichotomies.  Life and death. Light and darkness.  Good and evil.  Love and hate. Faith and doubt.  God has been moving in my life in more powerful ways than I have ever known could be true yet at the same time my wife is struggling with doubts commonly faced this past month.  I am humbled by both.  I am humbled by the shear amazingness of God.  I am also humbled at the lack of Christian leadership I have lived in my own home.  The Lord has taught me more about His power, His sovereignty and the necessity of me leading for Him in my home this past month than at any other point in my life.

This month has brought times of great joy, great struggles, great dependence, great wonder, and great submission.  The Lord has exploded my heart with His love and power.  He has given me the ability to explain His love in ways I never knew I could.  He has given me the boldness to share His gospel in ways I never have.  And He has put me in points of counsel I could have never imagined being available to me.

My heart has gained a deep peace in my Lord.  He has so profoundly shown me how He is constantly moving around me that my heart can do nothing but cry out in joy at His grace and love.  I have desired to know Him like this all my life and yet I have been the greatest obstacle to realizing this in my life.  Through everything He has been teaching me, surrender has been the most profound lesson.  He will not move in or through me until I fully surrender to Him.  He has also shown me that I must move first and through my steps of obedience He will move ahead of me.

Many of you have read my wife's blog in the past few days.  From the conversations I have had with others, I have found that it is likely that most of you can relate to the testimony she gave.  No matter how high we have been on the mountain top, we will always experience trials, temptations, struggles, and valleys.  The difference from a shallow relationship with God and a walk birthed from true heart understanding of God is that you can still have true peace and assurance no matter how deep the valley you walk through is when God has touched you at the depths of your soul.  Psalm 23 resounds as complete truth and becomes the anthem of your trust in the great Shepherd when you truly know Him.

I have been so blessed to see the Lord use me to teach and minister to my wife.  I am so thankful for the strength and certainty God has given me during her time of doubts.  God is so gracious to provide strength when He knows another will be weak.  I am so grateful that she is beginning to fight against her doubts and is now coming to a place of submission and peace under Jesus.  My wife and I have so much to learn and the Lord has so much more to teach us.  During our process of considering a calling to the mission field, I hope each of you will pray for us to know the full calling of Jesus on our lives.

I hope that you will come to know a soul changing relationship with God.  I pray that He will move in your life in ways you never truly imagined or even asked Him to.  I pray you come to a place of such surrender to the Lord that your every step is fully relying and trusting in Him.  I pray that your walk will no longer be about what you have been taught or strived to reach but rather a genuine deep, passionate, love relationship with Jesus the bridegroom of our souls.

Blessings,

Greg

My wife and I feel an intense calling on our lives for missions and full-time ministry.  We have created a fundraiser to help us overcome one hurtle to us being able to go to the mission field.  I pray that you will take a moment and check out this link.  I thank you for your consideration and ask that you seek the Lord's guidance in considering contributing to this fundraiser.  Thank you.

You Caring

Stop Believing the Lie

I recommended this blog post, by my wife, to everyone and yet I just discovered that most of you who viewed my blog chose not to read her blog.  I believe that this blog my wife wrote needs to be read by every believer in Jesus Christ.  If you did not chose to check out this blog last time, I hope you will choose to read it tonight.  Blessings

This whole blog may be long and a little messy - I just have so much rolling in my head right now.  So much has happened.  I have to share it.  I can't just pray, I can't just journal.  It begs to be shared.

For over two years now I have felt a disconnect in my faith.  I have wondered about what Christ has really done for me that I should share him with others, what are the real differences among those in the trinity, what does a Christ-centered life really look like, do people really come to Jesus anymore, do I know him and does he know me, am I really saved at all and from what, and two years ago I had the scariest of all these questions pounding me in the face - God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit - does He really even exist or have I been believing a lie...

I have been seeking - oh, Lord, have I been seeking - but where have I sought the answers?

I've turned to people.

Now, don't get me wrong, I fully believe that God can and does speak through His children - otherwise how would anyone believe unless everyone had access to the Bible and the Holy Spirit at every waking moment.  How can we believe unless someone tells us?  That's in the Word.

But people are NOT a substitute for the Word.

I asked so many people so many different times - so much so that they probably got so tired of me.  I could see it in their faces sometimes - to the point where I stopped asking the questions with some people and just wallowed in my lostness.  And that's what it was.  Lostness.  Now, again, don't get me wrong.  I KNOW that I am a child of God.  It has taken the past two years to make me certain of that again, but even in my lostness, I at least faintly knew that I still loosely believed.  My faith was likely as small and frantic as an electron circling the nucleus of an atom of a mustard seed (if there even is such a thing - I am an English teacher, after all), but it was there. 

Still, I was lost.  I was lost in a world without certainty.  I was lost in a world where I felt so alone and like there was no one to turn to.  My parents and in-laws are all ministers - what would they say to my loss of faith?  My sister had helped me in the past, but was I willing to open this up to her?  My brother, I knew, had his own struggles and I didn't want to be a hindrance to him. 

Thank God for my husband.  Although he has at many points been one of those who rolled his eyes at yet another moment of my questioning - he has always allowed God to speak through him, even if it took him a while to get to that point in the conversations.  He has been to me, his wife, exactly what a Godly husband should be.  But more on that later.

Still, I maintain my previous statement, people are NOT a substitute for the Word of God.

I've turned to books. 

Books written by Godly people who have had their own struggles.  In this past year or two, those have been Becoming a Woman of Faith by Cynthia Heald, A Sure Path by Susan S. Scott, Reckless Faith by Beth Guckenberger, and One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  Each, in their own way, about faith, which is what I knew I was lacking.  I have grown in faith by reading these books and they have helped me to see new things about God and my realtionship with Him

But, again, books are NOT substitutes for the Word of God.

I have also turned to music.

KLOVE, Air1, and any other Christian radio stations that grace the dial in my car as well as that in my iTunes and flowing from my church.  Especially when songs are about God, I can see Him and I can feel closer to Him.

But, again, music is NOT to be a substitute for the Word of God.

Somehow I always knew that the Bible was where I should turn and God was who I needed to seek, but I had begun to believe the lie that if I went there, all I would get would be condemnation.  All I would get would be a sentence.

See this?  Yeah, you're definitely lost.  Man, you are so lost.  Oh, and check out this sin I bet you didn't even know you had - you're a wreck.  And check out this other stuff in your head and your heart and your life.  You're such a terrible person, you can never fix all the things that are wrong with you!

And I was right - in part.

This afternoon I was talking with my husband about the idea of us beginning to take steps to become missionaries - something that has been growing in his heart as a desire and calling for the past 5 years and something that used to be very present in my heart as a calling and a passion, telling others about Christ.

But not anymore. 

Even before the past two years, I was still wandering in a place where I wondered if God really spoke to me still, if He really had a plan for me, if I could know what that was, if I was even worthy of it anymore. 

There's me again, believing the lie. 

Still, after such a long time of lostness - I had forgotten too many things to see the need for sharing Christ with others.  I knew this was a good thing, something Christians should do, but not only did I feel stale in this calling, I also felt stale in my relationship with Christ.  The more my husband spoke passionately about sharing Christ with others and the more he shared with me how genuine his belief in Christ and how ardent his faith, the more I felt my heart crying out I wish someone would share this Jesus with me - I want to meet this Jesus.  Like the retired pastor in Frank Perretti's novel The Visitation, I felt in my heart "I was saved, sanctified, born again, and Spirit-filled, but Jesus and I were strangers."

Again I asked the hard questions. 

Again, God spoke to me through my husband.  The following are answers my heart believes.  These are not just answers fed me by a loving husband, but answers whispered into my heart by a loving God through my husband, my books, my music, my experiences, and my seeking in scripture.  You see, God can use all these.  And He does.  But the Word is His living story.

*What's with the trinity?  Yes, God is the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, but all are God. 

The Father knew there was no way for us to be with Him, so he sent the Son.  The Son lived among us to show us who the Father truly was and to give us the opportunity to be like him, then died so that we could be fully made right with God if we accepted his sacrifice.  The Holy Spirit was sent to us, the believers, in order to help us understand and remember the Son's teaching and lead us to the Father, call us to be made right and follow the Son to the longest-lasting and most pure relationship we'll ever have.

*Why is Jesus so important?  He's the cure! 

I can read about my diagnosis all day in the Bible.  True, I am a wreck.  True, I do have sin that I don't even know is there.  True, there is absolutely nothing I can do to fix myself, no matter how long I try or how many methods I use to self-improve.  But if I read the Bible simply for it's diagnosis and not for the fact that Jesus came to fix me, to give me hope, to be my cure!  He is the one who will come and take his faithful home to be with him.

*Why is the Bible such a big deal?  The Bible isn't just another book, but THE book!

True, it does show us what is wrong in the eyes of God and it does show us why we'll never be able to come to God on our own merits.  But it's also the living story of God's love and promises shown through a multitude of generations and a man who died and lives and has the power and authority to give me freedom from anything and everything that can keep me from being the woman I was made to be... without understanding this, I have truly missed it.  Oh, Lord, have I missed it.

*What does a Christ-centered life really look like?  Just look at the lives of those who don't just profess to believe what the Bible says, but also LIVE it out!

My friends who are in Spain sharing the truth of the gospel, they are living it.  My friends and their large family living in the Horn of Africa and sharing what Jesus has done in their lives with the lost they meet, they are living it.  My loved ones leaving for India to build relationships with people they have never met in a country they have never more than visited in order to help people break free of the chains of a life lived by rules and traditions instead of the freedom of Jesus's sacrifice and love for us, they are living it.  And my dear, dear husband who shares with the broken women at his workplace through song and service and the small pod of young people in our young adults bible study group through the Word and the "random" people he comes into contact with that start asking the questions without realizing it...

and his lonely, questioning, frightened wife who feels safe asking him the hard questions and trusting that he knows the way to lead her back to the One who will always have the answers. 

*So do people really come to Jesus anymore?  Yes, oh, Lord, yes, they do.  How do I know?

Because I do. 

I do.

*Do I really know him and does he really know me?  Yes, He does.  And though I feel that I have before and I only now do in part, I am learning to know Him more and will seek to do so for the rest of my life. 

How?  By seeking him in the Bible - in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) where the men He ministered with share their experiences with Him - and share his words.  By seeking Him in prayer - asking Him my tough questions and believing Him for the truth to blot out all the lies.  By being obedient to do what he asks of me even when it's scary and I don't feel like I am the right one to be doing so.  He knows me.  He loves me.  That's why He died, that's why He lives, that's why He calls me to join Him, that's why He allows me to face the hard questions and wrestle through them for the blessing on the other side. 

I won't let go, Lord, I won't let go!

So now the answer to my oldest and scariest question...

*Have I been believing a lie?

Well, I must tell you that the answer is yes. 

Yes I have.

I have believed that God was not there and even if He was, He wouldn't speak to me and that was a lie.

I have believed that Jesus did and is doing nothing worthy of me sharing him with others - a tragic lie.

I have believed that I was lost in the midst of all my questioning and that He had left me - a blatant lie.

I have believed that I could magically draw closer to Him by talking to other people, listening to music, and reading odd books instead of seeking him in scripture and asking him for guidance - a candle-snuffing lie.

I have believed that the Bible was just another book and had no more power than to show me what I was doing wrong and give me more and more reasons why I am an unsalvageable wreck - a tormenting lie.

I have believed that God doesn't speak anymore, that Jesus doesn't save anymore, that the Holy Spirit doesn't move anymore -

lies, all wretched lies.

Our conversation ended with me praying to Jesus, my long-lost savior and my friend, my hope, my cure - confessing my spiritual Alzheimer's and forgetfulness, asking Jesus to remind me that I don't need to live a lie anymore - I don't need to live looking at my diagnosis, but blind to the freedom of His cure - that it's true that I am absolutely wretched and there is absolutely nothing I can do to fix myself, but THAT is why I so desperately need Him.  I asked Him to remind me who He was, bring me back from wandering so far off the road that I forgot the road entirely.  I asked Him to show me more and more who He was in scripture and in prayer and give me a passion and a boldness and an undeniable calling to follow Him.  I begged Him to let me not forget this.

I cried.

My husband had said before, during our conversation, that he could not figure out why he still felt such a growing calling to go and share Christ with the people of another country if it was not God's will - that he had been trying to be faithful in every circumstance that God gave him in the here and now, but knew more and more that if he - if we - didn't GO, it was disobedience.  I understood now.

I looked into his tear-swollen eyes, knowing they reflected my own, and said, "honey, maybe you just needed to share Him with me first."

He smiled, the tears welling again, and answered, "maybe I did...

maybe I did"

I'm sorry for the length and mess of this post.  I knew I needed to share it - not just for you, but for me.  We English/Writing teachers have a bit of a saying - If it isn't documented, it never happened.  I could not risk forgetting again.  Please hold me accountable to today.  Please help me to not forget. 

And please learn from my lostness, my wandering, my hard questioning.

The next time Satan tempts you to believe a lie, wrestle it out with God.  Ask Jesus the hard questions, beg for answers.  LOOK to Him.  Bend your eyes, your heart, your will, upward and pray.  Ask Him.  If you have believed in your heart that Jesus came for you, that there is no way that you can do anything to fix yourself or have a chance at saving yourself from the pits in life and the pit of Hell in death other than to trust in His sacrifice and surrender your life to Him, allowing Him to give you freedom - then continue to trust Him even when things don't make sense.  And believe me, there will come lonely, gut-wrenching times when things don't make sense.  Only Jesus can show you the way through all of the pain to all of the answers and even if it hurts to get there, it is SO worth it!

Press on to SEEK the Truth and STOP believing the lie!!